So, here I am, tucked in at home today, feeling a bit under the weather and letting Dave Matthews Band be my medicine. Funny enough, it brings me back to a night in 2021 on Northerly Island—one of those nights that turned into a story I never thought I’d tell.
I had tickets for the second night of the show. After so long locked down, not just because of COVID but because I’d grown a little wary of big crowds and the sheer wildness of people in that kind of setting, I was finally ready to step out. And what better organized chaos to embrace than a Dave Matthews Band concert, right?
But nature had other plans. The skies decided to put on a show of their own with winds, lightning, and rain that turned the whole evening into a hurricane-tornado-tsunami combo. Dave himself had to cancel the show. He was so heartbroken he actually cried on stage as he made the announcement. It was one of the most oddly beautiful moments, because here I was, finally ready to trust the world again, and the world just threw a storm party.
But here’s the magic: as we all walked off the island, people held hands, everyone stayed calm, and it felt like this incredible little bubble of humanity, after so long of being socially distanced apart. The concert didn’t happen, but something even more profound did. And now, on a sick day like this, as I listen to Dave Matthews at home, I remember that night and smile.
In remembrance of S. R. Fannin: thank you for sharing that moment with me. ❤
This year has been the most transformational year of my life — and I don’t say that lightly. I started January at the lowest emotional and spiritual point I’ve ever been. I was empty, exhausted, and still carrying the bruises of years of narcissistic abuse, manipulation, and betrayal. I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten my worth. I had forgotten the sound of my own inner voice.
But God… Jesus stepped into the ruins of my spirit and rebuilt me from the inside out.
The First Step: Admitting I Was Hurt
For so long I tried to be “strong.” I pushed through the pain, made excuses for people who broke me, and pretended I was fine. But survival isn’t the same as healing. Healing started the moment I stopped pretending.
I finally saw the truth: I had been loving people who only loved the version of me they could control. I had been shrinking myself to keep the peace. I had been living with wounds I never gave myself permission to feel.
Acknowledging that was my first doorway into freedom.
Inner Child Healing: Finding the Girl I Abandoned
Somewhere this year, in the midst of prayer, silence, and those deep soul-level cries, I met a version of myself I hadn’t seen in decades — my inner child.
The part of me that used to glow. The part of me that trusted. The part of me that believed she deserved good things.
She wasn’t gone. She was just waiting for me to come back for her.
I held her hand again. I apologized to her. I protected her. And I started making decisions in alignment with her — not the voices of people who harmed me.
That changed everything.
The Role of Discipline, Faith, and the Word
People talk about healing like it’s pretty. It’s not. It’s discipline. It’s showing up on days when you want to give up. It’s choosing silence over reaction. It’s choosing self-respect over familiar chaos. It’s choosing the narrow path instead of the easy one.
I learned that discipline IS a form of self-love.
And faith… Faith carried me when nothing else could.
I opened my Bible more. I prayed more. I handed every fear, every heartbreak, every unanswered question to Jesus — and He answered not with explanations, but with peace.
And that peace changed me.
Walking With Jesus Through the Fire
Jesus didn’t pull me out of the fire. He walked with me through it.
He healed the parts of me I didn’t know were still bleeding. He showed me the patterns I needed to break. He raised my standards, sharpened my intuition, and reminded me exactly who I am:
A chosen daughter. Protected. Loved. Strengthened. Called for more.
The more I surrendered, the more I was restored.
The Woman I Am Now
I look at myself today — emotionally, spiritually, mentally — and I barely recognize the woman I was at the beginning of the year. The difference is supernatural.
I am calmer. I am wiser. I am more aligned. I am finally in my feminine energy. I am no longer begging for love that drains me — I am attracting love that matches me.
And it’s because Jesus rebuilt me from the ground up.
He didn’t just restore me — He elevated me.
If You’re Reading This and You’re Still in the Storm…
Please hear me: You are not meant to stay broken. You are not meant to stay stuck in cycles that crush your spirit. You are not meant to dim your light for people who refuse to see your worth.
Jesus will meet you where you are. But He won’t let you stay there.
If He can heal me — deeply, completely, miraculously — He can do it for you too.
The Bottom Line
This year didn’t just heal me. It rebirthed me. It returned me to myself. And it reminded me that nothing — absolutely nothing — hits harder than a woman who finally knows her value.
People are frightened and stressed and wondering what tomorrow will bring.
Some people even say the world is ending.
But what is really happening….is the beginning of the Great Awakening.
People all over the world are being forced to question everything they ever knew to be true. And although this is quite terrifying to most, it’s actually a really great thing.
The world as we know it IS ending. But not how you think.
Three years ago my entire world as I knew it ended when I caught my husband cheating. I knew it couldn’t be resolved. I knew I had to start completely over with 3 innocent children whose lives were about to drastically change without any kind of notice. Almost overnight. Seemingly without any kind of warning.
I spent a decade of my life working and building and giving myself 100% to something only to have it all torn down in the blink of an eye.
I had to adjust every single move I made. Every comfort I ever had in this life was gone in an instant. The weight of the world was dropped onto my shoulders, and I broke down. And hated myself for breaking down. And never thought I would ever recover or have any kind of semblance of a “normal” life again.
It was scary. It was stressful. It was tragic. It was fucking hard.
But as time went on I began to realize that it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. I realized that everything I knew to be true in my life was just someone else’s version of what reality should be.
I slowly freed myself from the shackles of expectation from my peers. From my family and friends. From myself.
I began to see things for exactly what they were. I swallowed my pride and my sorrow and self-pity and then came to realize that my life could be whatever I wanted it to be as long as I could learn how to control my own emotions. And that took having to take a deep, long, uncomfortable look inside of myself.
It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. It was extremely painful. And massively lonely.
But as time went on I started to figure out that there was much more to this life than just what was going on in mine.
I found greater purpose when I got in touch with myself for the first time in my life. Because once I was able to do that, I realized that everyone has struggles. And heartbreaks. And pain. And loneliness. And once I came to that realization, I’ve never felt alone again.
I was no longer focused on having nice things in my life. I was focused only on healing people. People just like me. People who really only ever wanted to be seen, heard, accepted, and appreciated. And loved.
And that is when I made it my ultimate mission in life to become a healer. In any way that I knew how. Art, music, poetry, laughter. Hugs. Lending an ear. Giving honest advice. Actually really getting to know people for who they are, not what they had to offer me.
Everything I am is love now. Nothing will ever be able to change that.
I went through my dark night of the soul. And then I went through my own personal Great Awakening. I realized through all of this what my purpose is. What ALL of our purpose is. Simply to love.
People have funny ideas about what love is. But I have come to fully understand what it really means.
It means being understanding. And sympathetic. And encouraging. And courageous. And strong. And accepting that others have insecurities that cause them to act out or act in ways that aren’t always so nice. But being confident enough to know that whatever they are doing is a reflection of their feelings about themselves. Because they were probably never loved correctly. And making it a point to make sure they know that YOU love them no matter what.
Love doesn’t mean you have to keep someone actively in your life. Or tolerate their ridiculous bullshit. Like your pissed off immature boyfriend trying to piss you off by sending you a picture of some other girl sitting on his couch in a shirt of his you always wore every time you spent the night. Or your own son smashing your tv screen out of anger. Or your sister excommunicating you from her life over a very minor disagreement. Or the idiot at the grocery store during a staged fake apocalypse ready to fist fight you over the last roll of toilet paper. It is possible to love people you may never speak to again. Love is acceptance. Love is forgiveness. Love is understanding.
We’re all going through a lot right now with everything going on in the world. But if you think about it…..we’re all ALWAYS going through a lot…even when the world is seemingly more stable than it is right at this very moment.
What the world needs right now is love.
That’s all it ever needs.
Everyone on the planet is being forced to awaken.
The veil is being lifted.
The truth is being exposed.
And the only thing I know to be true in this life is this:
All we need is love.
Be the love.
Be the comfort.
Be the candle in the window.
Be the water to quench someone’s thirst.
And expect nothing in return for it.
And accept that by doing these things, you’ll probably only get hurt.
And be ok with that.
All I’ll ever do from here on out is love absolutely everyone I come in contact with.
I think the world needs that at all times, no matter how good or bad things are going.
Be the light. Be the gentle hand. Be the person everyone calls upon. Let that be your purpose.
Shed everything you ever knew to be true and let only love motivate you.
And love passionately.
And to all of humanity: I see you. I feel you. I get you. I got you. You’ll never be alone as long as I’m here. ❤
justkristi82 