That decision quickly evolved into something deeper.
By Monday, I committed to a one-meal-a-day, meat-free fast, eating only at 6:00 p.m. I completed Monday and Tuesday successfully. Hunger was present, but manageable. I felt focused. Clear. Grounded.
Then Wednesday came.
By mid-day, the hunger intensified in a way I hadn’t expected. Instead of pushing through another eating window, I listened inward and made a new decision: Wednesday would be a full water-only fast.
That’s when everything shifted.
By Wednesday night, my senses became incredibly acute. Sounds were louder. Thoughts were sharper. Emotions moved through me more freely. My body was tired, but my mind and spirit were wide awake. Sleep barely came.
Thursday morning arrived, and I knew—deep in my body—that it would be time to break my fast at the 48-hour no-food mark. Still, I held the line until 6:00 p.m.
It wasn’t easy.
But I made it.
At 6:00 p.m., I ate pizza with vegetables and cheese—no meat. The effect was immediate and profound. My body relaxed. My nervous system softened. A wave of calm and bliss washed over me, and for the first time in days, sleep found me.
This morning, I woke up still a little sleepy—but deeply grateful.
Grateful that I had the strength to finish. Grateful that I honored my body. Grateful for what the fast revealed.
My Intentions—and the Results
I entered this fast with three intentions:
To gain mental clarity
To heighten my spiritual senses
To cleanse and heal my body
All three occurred.
But the lessons went even deeper.
I learned that I have more discipline than I ever believed. I learned that I am more grateful than I ever knew. I learned that even the most basic, simple things in life—like food—should never be taken for granted.
I gained a small glimpse into what it feels like for those who do not have consistent access to food, and that awareness has stayed with me.
I learned that my body is a temple, and what I put into it matters—not just physically, but mentally and spiritually.
What Carried Me Through
During the hardest moments, I leaned on three things.
First, I thought of Jesus in the desert.
Then, I thought of those who do not have the luxury of eating every day.
Then, I returned to God’s Word.
And when it felt hardest of all—when fear, pain, grief, shame, nightmares, and emotional turbulence surfaced—I anchored myself in love.
The love I have in my life. The love I have for others. The love that sustains us all.
There were moments during this fast when temptation appeared in many forms. But each time it did, I called upon Jesus—and each time, I was carried through.
The Outcome
This fast was successful in every way that mattered.
My heart has softened. My body feels renewed. My spirit is singing.
I’ve learned how certain foods affect my mind, body, and spirit, and I feel better equipped to navigate a healthier, more intentional version of myself moving forward.
This wasn’t just about abstaining from food. It was about discipline. Awareness. Gratitude. Faith.
So, here I am, tucked in at home today, feeling a bit under the weather and letting Dave Matthews Band be my medicine. Funny enough, it brings me back to a night in 2021 on Northerly Island—one of those nights that turned into a story I never thought I’d tell.
I had tickets for the second night of the show. After so long locked down, not just because of COVID but because I’d grown a little wary of big crowds and the sheer wildness of people in that kind of setting, I was finally ready to step out. And what better organized chaos to embrace than a Dave Matthews Band concert, right?
But nature had other plans. The skies decided to put on a show of their own with winds, lightning, and rain that turned the whole evening into a hurricane-tornado-tsunami combo. Dave himself had to cancel the show. He was so heartbroken he actually cried on stage as he made the announcement. It was one of the most oddly beautiful moments, because here I was, finally ready to trust the world again, and the world just threw a storm party.
But here’s the magic: as we all walked off the island, people held hands, everyone stayed calm, and it felt like this incredible little bubble of humanity, after so long of being socially distanced apart. The concert didn’t happen, but something even more profound did. And now, on a sick day like this, as I listen to Dave Matthews at home, I remember that night and smile.
In remembrance of S. R. Fannin: thank you for sharing that moment with me. ❤
People are frightened and stressed and wondering what tomorrow will bring.
Some people even say the world is ending.
But what is really happening….is the beginning of the Great Awakening.
People all over the world are being forced to question everything they ever knew to be true. And although this is quite terrifying to most, it’s actually a really great thing.
The world as we know it IS ending. But not how you think.
Three years ago my entire world as I knew it ended when I caught my husband cheating. I knew it couldn’t be resolved. I knew I had to start completely over with 3 innocent children whose lives were about to drastically change without any kind of notice. Almost overnight. Seemingly without any kind of warning.
I spent a decade of my life working and building and giving myself 100% to something only to have it all torn down in the blink of an eye.
I had to adjust every single move I made. Every comfort I ever had in this life was gone in an instant. The weight of the world was dropped onto my shoulders, and I broke down. And hated myself for breaking down. And never thought I would ever recover or have any kind of semblance of a “normal” life again.
It was scary. It was stressful. It was tragic. It was fucking hard.
But as time went on I began to realize that it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. I realized that everything I knew to be true in my life was just someone else’s version of what reality should be.
I slowly freed myself from the shackles of expectation from my peers. From my family and friends. From myself.
I began to see things for exactly what they were. I swallowed my pride and my sorrow and self-pity and then came to realize that my life could be whatever I wanted it to be as long as I could learn how to control my own emotions. And that took having to take a deep, long, uncomfortable look inside of myself.
It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. It was extremely painful. And massively lonely.
But as time went on I started to figure out that there was much more to this life than just what was going on in mine.
I found greater purpose when I got in touch with myself for the first time in my life. Because once I was able to do that, I realized that everyone has struggles. And heartbreaks. And pain. And loneliness. And once I came to that realization, I’ve never felt alone again.
I was no longer focused on having nice things in my life. I was focused only on healing people. People just like me. People who really only ever wanted to be seen, heard, accepted, and appreciated. And loved.
And that is when I made it my ultimate mission in life to become a healer. In any way that I knew how. Art, music, poetry, laughter. Hugs. Lending an ear. Giving honest advice. Actually really getting to know people for who they are, not what they had to offer me.
Everything I am is love now. Nothing will ever be able to change that.
I went through my dark night of the soul. And then I went through my own personal Great Awakening. I realized through all of this what my purpose is. What ALL of our purpose is. Simply to love.
People have funny ideas about what love is. But I have come to fully understand what it really means.
It means being understanding. And sympathetic. And encouraging. And courageous. And strong. And accepting that others have insecurities that cause them to act out or act in ways that aren’t always so nice. But being confident enough to know that whatever they are doing is a reflection of their feelings about themselves. Because they were probably never loved correctly. And making it a point to make sure they know that YOU love them no matter what.
Love doesn’t mean you have to keep someone actively in your life. Or tolerate their ridiculous bullshit. Like your pissed off immature boyfriend trying to piss you off by sending you a picture of some other girl sitting on his couch in a shirt of his you always wore every time you spent the night. Or your own son smashing your tv screen out of anger. Or your sister excommunicating you from her life over a very minor disagreement. Or the idiot at the grocery store during a staged fake apocalypse ready to fist fight you over the last roll of toilet paper. It is possible to love people you may never speak to again. Love is acceptance. Love is forgiveness. Love is understanding.
We’re all going through a lot right now with everything going on in the world. But if you think about it…..we’re all ALWAYS going through a lot…even when the world is seemingly more stable than it is right at this very moment.
What the world needs right now is love.
That’s all it ever needs.
Everyone on the planet is being forced to awaken.
The veil is being lifted.
The truth is being exposed.
And the only thing I know to be true in this life is this:
All we need is love.
Be the love.
Be the comfort.
Be the candle in the window.
Be the water to quench someone’s thirst.
And expect nothing in return for it.
And accept that by doing these things, you’ll probably only get hurt.
And be ok with that.
All I’ll ever do from here on out is love absolutely everyone I come in contact with.
I think the world needs that at all times, no matter how good or bad things are going.
Be the light. Be the gentle hand. Be the person everyone calls upon. Let that be your purpose.
Shed everything you ever knew to be true and let only love motivate you.
And love passionately.
And to all of humanity: I see you. I feel you. I get you. I got you. You’ll never be alone as long as I’m here. ❤
*If you or a loved one feels that they are a victim of being Kristi’d, please follow me on Facebook @justkritisti82.*
“You just Kristi’d me,” he stated when I told him something real. I didn’t know what it meant when he said it. So I thought about it for awhile.
And this is what I came up with.
Being Kristi’d means you’re going to be heard and seen and supported and pushed and challenged and rooted for and cried with and laughed with and adventured with and fought for and actually loved.
It means you’re going to be shown the brighter side of every dark shadow this world can throw at you.
It means you’re going to be given truthful feedback and a different perspective so you can experience life on a deeper level.
It means you’re going to hear lots of music and new ideas and insane ramblings that will ruffle you up a bit. It means occasional wild nights. Occasional nights at the beach. Occasional (well let us just be really real and go with “perpetual”) Netflix nights. Whiskey nights. Wine nights. Tea nights. Early nights. Late nights. But they’ll always we GOOD nights.
It means getting random inappropriate memes. It means getting drunk dialed. It means backrubs and emotional healing. It means laughing a lot.
But most of all, being “Kristi’d” means you’re gonna feel ALIVE.
So if you’ve ever been “Kristi’d” consider yourself extremely blessed. Very few get the impossibly rare opportunity. 💋💋💋
I treat people with respect regardless of their capabilities.
I was lucky enough to be created a little more “elevated” than most.
I don’t use people.
Even though I could literally be a puppet master if I wanted to.
I can literally cause exactly what I desire to occur with my mind.
Or a single look.
99% of every move I make is orchestrated and well planned.
All of it.
And no one ever notices what I’m doing.
I was gifted with intense intuition and an acute and precise ability to pre-cognate.
I doubted my abilities for years and tried to deny them because I just wanted to be normal and have a typical human experience in this life.
But ever since I embraced what I am … the only downfall is that I can’t wear rose-colored glasses any longer. They don’t serve me anymore.
So now my struggle is this:
Do I leave people be…Or do I shake them up a bit?
Do I just stay silent and manipulate them with/without hurting them?
Sometimes…people have to be hurt a little to find the will to survive, after all.
The level I’m on has never been rivaled before in my own personal experience in whatever “reality” I’m living.
And as much power as I possess within, there is a darkness that I have to constantly fight to subdue.
The amount of control and restraint I must channel is exhausting and confining.
And the only thing stopping me from turning to darkness is my inane good nature and desire to bring light into this world, all while the blackest of nights swirl at my core.
It’s tiring.
It’s tempting.
But a true warrior doesn’t fight for just herself.
She fights for the others like her.
The others who don’t know what they are yet.
Having to be a pillar isn’t for the weak or weary.
Love-bombing. It’s a term that an alarming percentage of society has never heard of before and has no clue what it even means. Until a couple years ago I hadn’t. Once I found out about it, however, I dived deep into research surrounding it and ended up learning a whole new vocabulary of terms I had never really paid attention to before.
I had heard of narcissism in my youth and didn’t think too much of it. I thought, “oh yeah…like the people who always need to be the center of attention and care more about their image than anything else.” In the past I just thought that being a narcissist was another personality trait that some people had. I had no idea what it really meant.
It all started one day when I was contemplating why the relationship of my dreams had failed. I was miserable. Devastated. Absolutely sick over it. I KNEW it had to be my fault, but I was never able to come up with a good enough reason because I did everything right. So I turned to the one place in the world I can always count on for the best kind of guidance: YouTube.
Yep…I went on YouTube and searched for “what did I do wrong in my relationship” and tapped on the first video that popped up. I watched it in its entirety. A full 28 minutes. But about 3 minutes into the video I knew that I had stumbled upon what was going to give me all the answers I ever needed. The story this man was telling about his failed relationship was nearly the same as my own.
By the end of the first video I had gotten an answer I never expected. None of it was my fault. The only blame that belongs to me is for staying too long. Longer than I wanted to. Longer than I should have. But even that, I found, wasn’t my fault either. I was the victim of narcissistic abuse. I was the victim of something I’d NEVER heard of before. So I dived deeper into research and discovered a dimension of this world that I never knew existed.
Narcissistic abuse is a very twisted, dark, cruel game. It is very difficult to recognize and by the time the victim realizes what is going on, they’re usually too far in to get out right away. And once they do get out, they typically are stuck picking up the pieces of what used to be their life and start building from scratch. Possibly, for years.
The good news is that there is a very early sign (or symptom, in this case) that can clue you in to the fact that you may be dating a narcissist. Love-bombing. Love-bombing is THE trademark tactic that all true narcissists employ to captivate their victims.
So what does love-bombing really mean, anyway? The short version is that the narcissist (right off the bat without really even knowing that much about you yet) will make their whole world revolve around YOU. And very soon after they meet you will have you convinced (without really even knowing much about them yet) that they are literally the love you’ve been waiting for your entire life. The sky will look bluer. The sun will shine brighter. The birds will sing sweeter. You’ll have a constant smile on your face. And they’ll know they have you right where they want you. And that’s where it all starts.
Fresh-cut flowers, candy, jewelry, constant compliments, “I need you.” “I don’t know how I could ever live this life without you.” “You’re the only thing in this world that matters to me.” All-day-every-day texting. Long phone calls every night. Romantic getaways, cuddling, endless laughter. Long all-night conversations in the candlelight until dawn. You both can’t seem to get enough time together no matter how long you have. You’re hooked. This is it.
Then, as suddenly as this whirlwind began, it starts to change. Drastically. The texts wane to almost nothing. Days will start to go by with no contact. You’ll start getting concerned and ask to talk. You’ll be told you’re just worrying over nothing. “Sometimes I just need a little space.” , “I have had a long week and am just really tired.” There’s not much laughter anymore at all. You’re deeply affected by this. “Everything was going so great….what did I do wrong?” And you’ll obsess over this to the point that you lose interest in EVERYTHING in your life but figuring THIS out.
Typically, right when you’ve just gotten to a point where you’re getting over it and accepted that they just changed their mind, guess who shows back up? The narcissist!!!! With flowers, and wine, and candy. Slow dancing with you in the kitchen telling you how much they missed you! Promising to never leave you again. More love-bombing.
And it feels greeeeeeeat!
And you believe it.
But you shouldn’t.
Just as everything is back on track things start getting weird again. They are showing you sides of them you never imagined existed. “But that’s ok,” you tell yourself. “We are just really starting to get to know each other better, that’s all.” You force yourself to believe every ridiculous excuse you make up for them and their diminishing respect for you. And then the next phase begins.
“You should be grateful have me in your life, because no one else would EVER be willing to deal with you.” “You’re too sensitive and are taking things the wrong way.” “There are so many other people just DYING to be with me. You should feel lucky that I am choosing YOU out of all of them for some reason.” “I don’t even know why I like you.” “You’re literal trash.”
And you begin to believe that, too.
Slowly but surely you get depressed. Sad. Miserable. You can’t stop thinking about the wine and roses and slow dances in the kitchen. The long all-night talks about each of your deepest thoughts and hopes and dreams. The constant laughter you once shared together. You want it back. So you tell yourself you’ll do whatever it takes to get it back. And you stay.
And the abuse continues. And gets worse. And you start to feel like the biggest loser in the world. And you start to believe that nothing you do will ever be good enough. And nothing in the world makes you happy anymore. And you begin to start believing that nothing ever will again.
At this point, you’re probably finally ready to get out. But you’re so weak and so tired that you literally have no hope of ever finding anyone who will ever love you again. You’re only goal at this point: survival.
So you make a break for it and begin the very slow and outrageously painful process of moving on from this person. You still can’t stop thinking about the wine and roses and slow dances. The great conversations. The romance. But what you really miss the most is the laughter.
You grieve. You withdrawal from their presence. But you can’t stop thinking about them.
Months go by. Years. They still haunt your mind. You’re pretty sure you will never get past this. And you are probably right.
Most people in society are good. They want real love and have a lot of love to share. Real love does exist. True friendship is out there. But NONE of it EVER starts with love-bombing. That I am willing to guarantee.
My story is not unique. Nor are my experiences with narcissists. As it turn out, my story is the same as MILLIONS of other people in the world. Almost to a T. That is no coincidence.
My hope in sharing what I know from first-hand experience and years of in-depth real-life research on the subject is that telling what I’ve been through may prevent someone else from going through what I’ve been through. I’ve talked to many, many people who have experienced the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse and feel it is my responsibility to raise awareness.
If you have any questions or need guidance on narcissistic abuse, please feel free to message me, and I’ll do my best to respond and point you in the right direction. The more knowledge you are armed with, the less likely you are to ever be the victim of narcissistic abuse in the future.
I know for a fact I never will be again! Love-bombing shows me all I need to know about a person. So keep an eye out for the signs!
justkristi82 